Brokenhearted

We can’t live in fear

But every day
I wonder

And pray

That my family
will all come back together
at the end of the day

So today

When I
kiss Kurt goodbye
and have breakfast with a friend
and run errands
and drop the girls off
and pick them up

I will think of those

Whose normal days have been shattered
Never to be the same again

And my heart
My wife heart
My mama heart
My daughter heart
My sister heart
My friend heart

Will break
once more

For what we have become

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  ~Psalm 34:18

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Rebirth

He led them from the darkness and shadow of death and snapped their chains.  ~Psalm 107:14

She was lying in the dust
dirty
broken
ashamed
From circumstances of her own making
and circumstances thrust upon her
Strong forces
chaining her to the earth

The demons danced around her
She couldn’t tear her eyes away
from them
She wanted to shut them out
But she knew
she deserved
their scorn
their condemnation

Their glee

One salty teardrop
fled her eye and
moved toward the ground

The last vestige
of her heart
fell with it

The tear hit the dirt but did not soak in
The dancing became feverish

The tear changed
into a tiny teardrop of light

She watched
Hope gone
but mildly fascinated

The teardrop grew

The glee of the demons turned anxious

Her heart ached
Her soul screamed

The teardrop grew

Colors invaded–
aqua
red
lavender
yellow

The demons circled
But she could no longer see them

The demons circled
But she could no longer hear them

The teardrop grew
and finally
burst into a thousand sunbeams

Which fell on her
and covered her

She closed her eyes
felt the warmth and
a glimmer of a smile

She pushed herself up
looked down at the chains
that bound her

They were gone

She looked around

at the darkness
the deep
thick
shadow
that consumed her

It was gone

And with God’s sunrise glory bearing down–

She arose

 

 

Resolved: 2016

More movement; Less food
More presence; Less distraction
More healing; Less reeling
More release; Less control
More gratitude; Less entitlement
More hope; Less stress
More of Jesus; Less of me

New Year’s Resolutions

More or Less

The Choice

The past few weeks–
Stress
Helplessness
Despair
Depression
When your baby is sick and you get
no answers
Five doctor visits
including urgent care and specialty doctors
The best technology in medicine
X-Ray
Ultrasound
Blood work

No answers

Wet prayers
that hit the ceiling

First Thessalonians Chapter 5:
“Be joyful in all circumstances.” (in ALL)
“Pray all the time.” (ALL THE TIME)
“Thank God no matter what happens.” (NO MATTER WHAT)

Make a CHOICE.

Today I choose–

Prayer over helplessness
because the waiting is rending my heart.

Today I choose–

Gratitude over despair
because of friends and family who are placing my family before The Throne

Today I choose–

Joy over depression
because of kaleidoscope lights that crash through the night

The desperation will not defeat me.

Joy and Gratitude and Prayer
in all circumstances.

Second Thoughts

My first thoughts on
seeing the man with the sign on
the side of the road were
to pray that he gets help
and to drive by.

I don’t always drive by
but my second thought was
‘All I have is a twenty.’

My younger daughter said,
“We have to go back!
We have to help!”

My older daughter said,
“Don’t you have any cash?”

Wailing from the back seat:
“You have to turn around!”

Did I say that I had prayed
that the man would get help?
Sometimes God’s sense of humor
is inconvenient.

Sigh.
“I have a twenty.”

From the front seat:
“That’s great!
You can give him a lot of money!”

I’m driving.
I’m wrestling.
There’s no easy spot to turn around.
But two miles down the road–
I’m turning around.

“What if he’s not there?”
“He’ll be there.”
“Drive faster!”

He was there.
He was overwhelmingly grateful.

My girls were beaming.

I’ve thought of him since that day.
First thoughts.
I’ve prayed for him since that day.
Second thoughts.

I need to carry smaller bills.
First thoughts.
My girls taught me a lesson. I love their hearts.
Second thoughts.

An ordinary black and white day.
First thoughts.
That was suddenly shot through with color.
Second thoughts.
The inconvenient sacrificial
treasure trove
of second thoughts.

GRRRR….PATIENCE

In the litany of love
Love is patient
Love is kind
It does not envy
It does not boast
It is not proud
WHY must “patient” come first?
It is no arbitrary placement.
Are there people who are gifted at patience?
Or is it a
universal struggle?

I am willing to try
but my first reaction
is…let me know ASAP
if I’m successful.
I’m thinking maybe I am not getting it.

TRY #1–I’m finding my way down the road of right living…
Love is patient
Love is kind
But how long before You show up?
The Voice from Heaven….”Nope”.

Try #2–Despair. It’s taking TOO LONG. What strength do I have that I should still hope? What prospects that I should be patient?
The Voice from Heaven…”That was not an attempt. I might use the word pathetic. And don’t forget—-
I was patient with you.”

Try #3–Through my troubles
I will keep Your Word
in passionate patience.
~Wait–I have to be PASSIONATE about it, too???????
I grab my Bible…Romans…2 Peter…Revelation…
The Voice is silent. How can a silent voice shake its head so loudly?

There are things I hope for
that I do not have.
I will wait for them…patiently.

Enduring patience.
And passionate, too…
apparently.

The Voice from Heaven…”And so after waiting PATIENTLY, Abraham received what was promised.”

Love is not proud.
It does not boast.
It does not envy.
Love is kind.
Love. Is. Patient.

Pick Up Your Mat

Jesus noticed her
lying there by the pool
helpless
Knowing she had been in that condition
for 40 years
(40 years of testing-
was the Promised Land near?)
He said to her–
“Are you really in earnest
about getting well?”

The excuses flowed.
Nobody will help me.
I am entitled to a different life.
Why should I have to deal with this?
Can’t YOU do something?

His eyes–seconds before filled with compassion–
blazed.
“Get. Up. Pick up your mat and walk.”

Instantly–she was healed.

She picked up her mat.
Breathed.
Freedom.
Walked to the shore.
Saw her Savior out in the ocean,
eyes gentle once more.

He said, “Come.”

She dropped her mat.
And walked on the water.

Her excuses drowned.

The pool is a distant memory
to the one dancing on the ocean.